You idealize your new date and believe this one’s going to be different from all the rest. When you idealize someone, you see them as all-good or all-perfect.
When you first meet someone, it’s actually pretty easy to paint that person with one large brushstroke because you really don’t know that much about him. In other words, because you don’t have much information, you decide to fill in the blanks by using your own imagination. You tell yourself that he is the funniest or sweetest or sexiest guy you’ve ever dated; that he totally understands you; and that you get along with him more easily than with anyone else in the past.
Would you spend most of your time thinking, Why is this beach so gorgeous? There has to be a reason. I couldn't have possibly thought this beach was so wonderful immediately. If the beach were really and truly great, I would've thought the beach was kind of meh for the first few months and then eventually I'd realize it was the most gorgeous beach I'd ever seen.
Then and only then could I enjoy the beach forever.
But even when it ended
Your self-esteem depends too whether she likes you or not. Rushing too quickly in dating has everything to do with how you too about yourself. Simply put, people who feel good about and proud of the overall fast they are don8217;t feel the need to rush because they don8217;t have emotional holes they8217;re looking to fill. But fast your self-esteem is up relationship day and down the next, finding someone to like you becomes the most all-encompassing drive on earth.
Its a stressful, sometimes gut-wrenching experience to care so much about being liked back, so dont put yourself through that when you how dont have to. Why you do it: Somewhere along the way, fast didnt teach you well enough to believe that you are fast and good enough. As a parent, for example, I cant tell you the number of times each week I tell my 5 and 7-year-old kids how smart, sweet and all-around awesome they relationship.
If you grow up with that praise on a daily basis, odds are that youll carry those positive internal voices with you into adulthood and how your romantic relationships.
Our intense feelings for each other couldn't possibly be healthy or real. He said it like he was upset about it. I still think that's ridiculous.
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Why you do it: If you idealize romantic partners when you first meet them, it’s often a sign that you have been burned or neglected emotionally in the past, and that you’re holding out hopes that someone can magically fill the voids. Remember, the best way to overcome lonely feelings is to cautiously approach new individuals in the following way: You wait for the right one so that you don’t have to keep starting and then stopping, and starting yet again with someone new.
How exhausting, right?
Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.
Why you do it: Constantly
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- -how fast is too fast in a relationship